job satisfaction
This week I like my job.
This is strange because I often don't like it.
Now thinking about it there is a connection to be not liking my job and a failed cycle.
Secretly...don't tell anyone, I just want to be a house wife. Nothing makes me happier than swanning around my house, cleaning it, doing stuff and looking after Action man. He loves it when I am home to cook special things and pamper him...and it makes me feel appreciated and proud!
I really am not an ambitious person. I am happy with the simple stuff.
So teaching was meant to be a gap filler...the money spinner and a temporary arrangement until I had a family to keep me home. Sure I love kids and working with their parents is great too but when push comes to shove I could think of a thousand things I would rather do. I would certainly prefer to teach my own kids rather than everybody else's.
Particularly because teaching as a job is such a draining constant never ending task. When a teacher goes home at the end of the day her work is not finished, nor is it finished at the end of the term.
Anyway, the plan was to teach, get my permanency and then take maternity leave.
I suppose that each time we have a failed cycle I feel overwhelmed by the fact that I am still not doing what I really want to do.
I could choose to stay at home anyway, I hear you say, but in reality I know that not working (or not having a good enough reason not to work) would drive me crazy.
This year I have really had a grudge that I remain a teacher and not a mother.
Until this week I have had a chip on my shoulder.
This week I feel lighter and more in control.
On Tuesday I had a great parent information session where I felt knowledgeable, trusted and in control.
I finally have a bit of control over the unruly children I have this year and I am feeling confident with my teaching and the development of my class.
That is for now. One thing I know is that feeling buoyant and in control is not something I can rely on with this topsy turvy emotional life I lead.
This is strange because I often don't like it.
Now thinking about it there is a connection to be not liking my job and a failed cycle.
Secretly...don't tell anyone, I just want to be a house wife. Nothing makes me happier than swanning around my house, cleaning it, doing stuff and looking after Action man. He loves it when I am home to cook special things and pamper him...and it makes me feel appreciated and proud!
I really am not an ambitious person. I am happy with the simple stuff.
So teaching was meant to be a gap filler...the money spinner and a temporary arrangement until I had a family to keep me home. Sure I love kids and working with their parents is great too but when push comes to shove I could think of a thousand things I would rather do. I would certainly prefer to teach my own kids rather than everybody else's.
Particularly because teaching as a job is such a draining constant never ending task. When a teacher goes home at the end of the day her work is not finished, nor is it finished at the end of the term.
Anyway, the plan was to teach, get my permanency and then take maternity leave.
I suppose that each time we have a failed cycle I feel overwhelmed by the fact that I am still not doing what I really want to do.
I could choose to stay at home anyway, I hear you say, but in reality I know that not working (or not having a good enough reason not to work) would drive me crazy.
This year I have really had a grudge that I remain a teacher and not a mother.
Until this week I have had a chip on my shoulder.
This week I feel lighter and more in control.
On Tuesday I had a great parent information session where I felt knowledgeable, trusted and in control.
I finally have a bit of control over the unruly children I have this year and I am feeling confident with my teaching and the development of my class.
That is for now. One thing I know is that feeling buoyant and in control is not something I can rely on with this topsy turvy emotional life I lead.
posted by Betty at
6:31 pm
3 Comments:
Hi rustygirl. I tried to find you to comment but alas there was no web page. My 'sort of friend' (by that I mean someone I see now and again, not regularly) is doing very well. She's a happy bunny at the moment in the land of 'soon to be a mum" and thats great. No need for an olive branch.You know, I just felt like starting my blog fresh. This time I have 1 friend who reads it and she lives abroad. I just decided not to be so public amongst my day to day friends. I need more privacy. At the same time I enjoy this space and reading about other people going through the same stuff. IF is a hard thing for me to deal with (as it is for any person) and it doesn't seem to get any easier. As I bumble along I find different ways of dealing with my loss and heartache. Privacy is my mode of choice at the moment.
Make yourself known rustygirl or are you being private too!!
By
Betty, at 3:21 pm
hey there. very interesting and honest post (the best kind ;) congratulations on your breakthrough in feeling that wave of goodness about your job/career. that's a good thing no matter what happens. i think it is very insightful of you to notice the connection (or that you had forged a connection) between failed cycles and your job. as if a successful cycle could set you free in some way. you're smart. just the type of person who should be teaching our kids!!!!!
By
YouGuysKnow, at 6:20 am
Hi Betty! I am so glad to hear that you are currently liking your job! Being infertile and a teacher has many problems, doesn't it? Especially when dealing with parents!
It is a job that requires great amount of work, and at least in the US, gets very little respect. I do enjoy my job most of the time, with just the occasional hope that it will help me pass the time towards better things. Hoping this positive outlook towards work continues for you!
By
lucky #2, at 2:25 am
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