Not so harmonious
Harmony day wasn't a very good idea after all. All around me were families with little children. Happy parents watching in delight as their toddlers and children danced to the African music and belly danced to the Bollywood tunes. Em and I were joined by her playgroup friends and their little ones.
I could not have felt like more of an outsider. Shiny happy people on a delightfully sunny Tasmanian day and I just felt awful. I now know I should have stayed home and let the grief be. Sometimes there is just no stopping IVF from taking over life.
Thankfully I didn't have to go to school today as I had a really interesting proff learning day. I have another one tomorrow. It is hard to face the kids and parents at this end of the cycle sometimes.
Dr.B called tonight. He is recommending a laporoscopy to investigate what is going on in my uterus. He believes there may be blockages in my tubes from the surgery I had to remove the fibroids. I'm terrified of finding out. If my tubes have to be taken I'll be a wreck. It seems so final. Also it means a month of not trying and two more days off work. Is there no end to the bad news for us? I'm not in a happy space at the moment.
I could not have felt like more of an outsider. Shiny happy people on a delightfully sunny Tasmanian day and I just felt awful. I now know I should have stayed home and let the grief be. Sometimes there is just no stopping IVF from taking over life.
Thankfully I didn't have to go to school today as I had a really interesting proff learning day. I have another one tomorrow. It is hard to face the kids and parents at this end of the cycle sometimes.
Dr.B called tonight. He is recommending a laporoscopy to investigate what is going on in my uterus. He believes there may be blockages in my tubes from the surgery I had to remove the fibroids. I'm terrified of finding out. If my tubes have to be taken I'll be a wreck. It seems so final. Also it means a month of not trying and two more days off work. Is there no end to the bad news for us? I'm not in a happy space at the moment.
posted by Betty at
7:34 pm
2 Comments:
Betty, I am so sorry to hear of this latest blow. Unfortunately, the laparoscopy may help to see what isn't working with your normal, healthy body! So, I guess at this point you have to trust the F*** doctor, even when you want to throw him out the window. Hang in there, friend.
By
lucky #2, at 11:26 am
Shit, Betty, this really sucks for you -you have every right to feel unharmonious right now. Having a lap sucks (I'm in that situation right now, but it would be scheduled at the end of the school year), in fact, any IF treatment during the school year is just added stress for you. Is there such a thing as tenure down under? For us, if you're tenured (working for 4 years or more in a district), you have protection when it comes to things.
I hope that this gets better for you, but, for now, go stealth fart a kid (or the principal in the faculty room during a meeting is also good) and get a bottle of wine.....
By
S, at 7:43 am
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