I shed tears of joy.

What an interesting few days I have had.
First of all a friend has asked me to be present at the birth of her second child. She really wants her first child to be a part of the birth and because I have a great relationship with both mum and the little one then she would feel comfortable if I was present to care for the child, play with her and try to keep things normal for her. My friend really wants her husband to be focused on the birth of the child rather than being too caught up with seeing to the little one.
I am totally blown away by this! I can't believe it!!
As I don't have any sisters and as I don't seem to be managing pregnancy myself I have been starting to (privately) wonder if I will ever be witness to a birth.
Of course I said "yes" straight away!!!
The next interesting thing is that I went to a wedding on the weekend and at the wedding were heaps of people I knew. My best friend D, my SIL and BIL and almost all of our gang, the people we hang out with. The gang comprises of people who have known each other for a very long time but are not particularly close. Within the gang are sub-sections of people who spend more time together, but we all get together for major events, camping trips and stuff. Although everyone in the gang knows that Action Man and I are doing IVF, not many people ask us about it, (of course this doesn't include those in our subsection, as we are closer).
I have had mixed feelings about not being asked about our progress.
At times I suppose it has been good because I have not been required to share all the sadness in my heart.
But mostly I feel isolated from the girls. Here they are talking about their pregnancies, births, babies etc, and I have nothing to add. I don't speak of my IVF progress (or lack of) because I am not asked and I don't share my feelings because I have not been asked.
I am not saying they should ask me because I'm sure they are only being polite and would definitely not want to upset me in public. They also may not know how comfortable I would be talking about this and I don't know how comfortable they would be with me heaping it onto them. But at the same time I have always felt restricted, after all IVF anf IF are a major major part of my life. I face it every day, I live with it and I usually cope with it. As much as I cope with it I face an ever present sadness that these friends could not possibly understand. I do think that to know me is to know the things I am going through.
Yet I battle on with these social gatherings because it is not my place to force understanding on to people.
Well...At the wedding two of the girls, at different times, asked me how I was going with it, they told me they think about us all the time and asked me the ins and outs of IVF. I can't tell you what a relief it was to discuss it openly. To put it out there. I felt a sense of belonging and I felt like I had understanding.
To make this story even more amazing I will add that one of these girls told me that her and her husband had been doing lots of thinking and discussing about our situation and they would be happy to act as a surrogate for us if the time came.
My goodness that came as a shock. Action man and I have not considered this option before and to be honest it seems a very complicated path to tread. However we were delighted with their kind offer.
So these things, amogst a few other fairly deep conversations that night, left me feeling quite emotional...The champagne I was drinking much later may also have added to my highly emotional state!
The emotion didn't end on Sunday as B ended up back in hospital with more bleeding and yucky stuff but amazingly she is STILL pregnant! Phew.