Baby! Where are you?

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

Rambling

I did manage to rest on the weekend. I watched a dumb movie with Jennifer Aniston in it. I also watched Brokeback Mountain which was excellent and it made me cry.
My back was almost better but when I arrived home and so I decided to unload the car of not very heavy things (washing basket, bag, doona, etc) and hurt my back again. I went back to the pain I had before I went away.
Yesterday at work was very difficult and there was lots of things that I usually do with the kids that I couldn't do such as the constant bobbing up and down to work with children, P.E and our afternoon yoga session.
When I got home Action man convinced me that going swimming would help so I went for a gentle swim for about 45 mins. I felt no pain in the water. It was wonderful. Last night however, the pain was worse than ever and I was freaking out.
Today it is nearly gone!! Must be the swim. I feel almost normal!

7 days until the ultrasound to reveal non or viable pregnancy. I am starting to get a bit freaked out now. I heard of someone who just had their 6 week scan (was on IVF) only to discover that the embryo had implanted but had not survived. I guess this is fairly common. Bloody devastating though.
I will be 6 weeks on Thursday which is my birthday. I am very happy to be believing that I am pregnant for my birthday. My 31st, 32nd and 33rd were all sad markers of time spent trying to conceive and time spent grieving. I was not looking forward to my birthday this year either but now I am, and that is quite a special thing.
The scan is 5 days after my birthday so if it all goes pear shaped at least I can say I was pregnant for my birthday.
Of course I wouldn't say any of this to my fertile friends because they might think I was being a Negative Nancy or an Ungrateful Ursula. I can't expect them to understand that as much as I try to be positive and calm about this working for us I can't help feeling that gloom and grief are just around the corner. Gosh I hope they are not around the corner but sadly it wouldn't surprise me if they were.
Sorry for moaning.
It's going to be O.K.

6 Comments:

  • Sorry to hear about your back -- I hope you can get the pain under control before you are dealing with your pregnant belly! :)

    I remember the devastation of another b-day without being pregnant. I was injecting myself with another cycle during my last b-day and even though I was hopeful, I also was losing faith. Sure enough, that was the one that worked! I am sending happy thoughts for your b-day and prayers for your little bean!

    By Blogger k #2, at 1:12 am  

  • Birthdays have sucked ass for me as well...

    I hope this one proves to be rainbows and sunshine for months and months and months for you.

    By Blogger Spanglish, at 9:11 am  

  • Good vibes coming your way for your scan.

    Cathy

    By Blogger Cathy, at 12:56 pm  

  • Oh I hope this is a great birthday - an augur of great things to come for this year.

    By Blogger Thalia, at 8:57 pm  

  • Well, happy birthday! Each birthday, I keep thinking... maybe next year...

    By Blogger Kris, at 4:40 am  

  • You’re entitled to moan, moan away, it's a good stress reliever!

    Kind regards

    By Blogger Artblog, at 3:36 pm  

Post a Comment

<< Home