Rocks and Potholes on a Bumpy Track.

Thank you so much for your comments regarding my last post. I know there are so many people who go through this kind of stuff. When we have bad days, which I was having that day, these feelings can be escalated. I think I made myself come across as a very sad person but I'm not. Well, not all the time!
I'm sad about the relationships that have weakened along the way, but I have always been a loyal soul and change affects me deeply.
I'm sad about not being able to be a mother because I'd be a bloody good one. I'm sad that my husband is not a father because he needs to be.
It's sad that my Mum doesn't get to be the Granny she has aspired to be for so long.
...But, who knows it might happen one day.
Other than that life is good. I really don't think I have isolated people from my life because I have IF issues. I couldn't be any more honest and upfront about my situation. I'm good at judging how much people want or don't want to know!! I have found some people to be fascinated and are always asking how IVF works and how it effects me. I don't mind telling them most of the time. I also don't expect people to sit down and chat about fertility with me. God, how boring to inflict it on someone! The few people who isolate themselves from me are the ones who don't know what to say generally and so avoid me. I have to shrug my shoulders and move on to a certain degree. I can't afford to waste too much energy worrying about what other people think, but every now and again it gets the better of me. That's when the blogging world comes in. I let it out here so I don't inflict ugly thoughts on the people in my day to day world. Sorry bloggy friends!
I sure am sad about my friend not knowing how to talk to me but I'm not going to give up on him. If he can't have a conversation with me then it's a real shame, but I will always try!!
Luckily I have some brilliant friends who are not afraid to deal with feelings on a raw level, who can take the good with the bad. And low and behold some of them have families. I love their children to bits. IF has never been in the way of me loving other people's children. I guess I'd be a fairly shit Kindergarten teacher if that was the case! Can you imagine!
I don't cope with some stuff like baby showers and people comparing baby bumps but who can blame me! I have to allow myself some protection on this journey. But I love babies and toddlers and children who belong to people I love. I gain very rich experiences from spending time with some of those little people and their parents.
And very soon...I'll be witnessing a new precious life coming into the world. What could be a better experience, apart from doing it myself?! IF may have bought me closer to gaining this experience. I know E has asked me to be present at the birth of her child because we share so many of our feelings together and she trusts me implicitly. She also knows I have time to spend with her daughter and that I have earned her trust and love. Perhaps that would not have happened if I had children of my own. I would be too busy dealing with my own brood!
All I know is that I do my very best to cope with grace and with dignity with what can only be described as undignified, disappointing, sad and relentless situation. I get knocked down fairly hard, it hurts terribly but I pick myself up and start again. I am strong and resilient and I am very aware that the encouragement and support I have received from friends and family has gone a long way to helping me continue along on this bumpy old track of mine.