Mind what you say...

It must be so hard for friends and family members to think of things to say to someone like me. I have not heard from either my Mum or my MIL this time around. Perhaps they are giving me space. They are probably aware of how hard it is for me to tell them that once again there is no grand child.
The lack of success is so darn repetitive and the pain I express can be so dam raw (though I do try to hide it the best that I can ie. people may see only 65% of what I am actually feeling if they are very close to me...or none at all if they are not particularly close- I like to think it's none but I am probably more transparent than I realise).
It seems to me that some people can never get it right no matter what they say. It doesn't help with me being so sensitive.
I'm sure I have said the wrong thing to people in need before. It can be so easily done.
I must admit I am fairly immune to most comments regarding my infertility now but the one comment that I really can't cope with is this:
" You know there is nothing I can say to fix it" (said in a matter of fact tone rather than a wishful thinking one). It has been said to me a few times and it makes me cross. Sensitive little bunny that I am. When someone says that to me it implies that I am expecting them to fix my fertility which is absurd. This in turn makes me feel as though the person who said it thinks that I'm stupid and that makes me seethe inside.
Would I really be going to all the trouble of doing IVF if I thought that fertility could be fixed by what someone said?

I think it is the strangest thing to say. Oh, if only someone could fix this ache in my heart, the yearning in my arms and remove the weight of this suppressive grief. I am paying my doctor a lot of money to do that very thing. He is a skilled and knowledgeable man, but even he can't relieve me. I have a husband who wants a child as much as I do and who loves me to pieces but he cannot say anything to fix me either. Why on earth would I expect anyone else to be able to do it?

On the other hand this comment, although similar, is so much better " I wish there was something I could say/do to fix this for you". It shows empathy.
Oh, the people in my life must feel like getting out their protective clothing and putting up some barriers in case they say the wrong thing. Look what infertility has done to me.

I have been contemplating whether or not to post this stupid entry. It sounds very trivial now I re read it. I've decided to keep it here on the off chance that there is someone out there who can relate to my thoughts. Although, you may all think I've gone potty.

Generally I am quite potty. I've been up and I'm down these last two and and a half days. Yesterday was coping day. I had some plans already made which involved socialising. I really didn't feel like doing them, in fact I was quite happy to lay in bed and stare at the light fitting all day. Action man told me that being so melancholy was going to do me no good and insisted that I went out and about. I did and it was fun and I laughed. Everything felt normal.
Today I was fine until I went into town to do some jobs. There were new borns everywhere and I even stood in a line only to be in the middle of someone announcing her pregnancy to another. I came home feeling hopeless. Action man and I had a talk about where to go to next.
We still have 3 frozen embryos left. We need to use them up so we can have another stimulated cycle. It will be the last one.
Tomorrow I start tablets for another FET. I probably should have a break but I really want to get rid of these embryos. It was a big batch and they have all been good quality but blessed with luck they are not. Poor things, now they are doomed before they defrost. I should mind what I say!