Come back bliss.

Oh Sunnie. I did not fall in the soup. He he he. I'm glad your sunny personality is coming back. You have had a rough time.
I have been absent from this blogspace because I have been a busy little holiday beaver.
It has been a gloriously happy time filled with afternoon teas, morning teas and lunches with the girls. One morning tea lasted until 4.00 p.m. You know you are relaxed when you can do that!
I've been driving my old Morris Minor soft top everywhere because we are taking it off the road next week (it had a 6 month special interest registration on it from our wedding).
I've been in the garden pruning which is something I love. Cutting back all of the dead summer growth gives me so much satisfaction. I like the sense of order that is restored. It calms me and gives me so much pleasure when I look at the result.
I've been cooking and cleaning and looking after my Action man and his Dad who have been busy building my extension. I've enjoyed every moment of being a house wife. It is actually my career of choice but unfortunately the pay is crap!
I've been planning my new kitchen. Nightmare!! Products, price and choice galore. We have been swamped but are now getting somewhere. Agreeing on colour is not something A.M and I are able to do with ease so it looks as though everything will be WHITE. Same old story for all of our renovating (bloody husband and his aesthetic interest clashing with mine).
I have been on standby to care for my neighbours 3 boys as she will be going into labour any day now. I am hoping she has a girl. She doesn't mind what sex it is.
While it is winter here the weather has been cold and crisp but sunny, so there have been lots of walks with friends and their dogs and mine.

I have gone to write on this blog quite a few times but something has usually got in my way. To be really honest I have felt too happy to write. This leaves me feeling worried that perhaps I only write when I am down and that a true indication of who I am is not really portrayed on this blog. I suppose this just highlights that I use blogging as a vent so as not to drain the love of my family, friends and husband with these persistent thoughts, moans, and ponderings. I hope I don't drain my readers. I have been reading the blogs of others though, and apart from Bugsy's fabulous news the rest has been quite sad.

Unfortunately all my happy holiday blissiness has left me today and I join the sad news gang. Hence my desire to vent right here.
My clinic rang with the result of this FET and it was negative.
It's the first time I have received the result this way and I must say it was a shock.
A.M and I were in the car having just returned from whitegood shopping. We were of the impression that we should ring for the result. A.M suggested we have some lunch before we ring which sounded good to me. I did not want to be crying into my toasted sandwich. (yes, I know it was a negative thought but justified I think).
My mobile rang as we pulled into the drive. I saw the number and I grabbed A.M's arm. I was sure it would be good news because they were ringing ME. Instead it was a cold hard slap in the face. My head was spinning and the tears sprouted like water from a leaky pipe. The nurse was very nice but questions were asked of me and I couldn't answer them. I think I was in shock.
A.M and I went inside and I was trembling from the thought that 3 minutes previously I was happy go lucky with a slight air of anxiousness only to be reduced into a trembling mess from a phone call which I was simply not prepared for.
We stood quite still for some time and hugged.
Hunger overcame sadness. We made lunch and needless to say I cried into my toasted sandwich.
So did A.M.
Strangely I feel a bit better already. We went for a walk and talked about our plans (which focus heavily on giving up IVF soon). We talked about the good things we have. I have cried on and off all afternoon but my friend E tells me it's far better for me in the long run to cry it out now. I love her.
We haven't told our folks. Neither of us can be bothered to talk about it anymore. Three of my girlfriends and my beautiful SIL have rung and left messages. We have not picked up the phone since that nasty call. I don't feel rude (normally I would).
It's a failed cycle and that's that. There is nothing much to say about it except that I would like my holiday blissiness to come back.